Don't Get Sued

There are so many things in life that we can spend our time on. As a free people (arguably) we are given the right to pursue life, liberty and happiness. Why is it then that we so frequently find ourselves pursuing the absolute opposite? (Am I the only one?)

Have you ever been in a position where it seems that your mind is running wild? Have you been at that place where it seems there is nothing you can do to derail the collision course that your mind has plotted with a full-on panic attack? Let me tell you about my most recent discovery on how to make yourself an insomniac.

Did you know that in order to sue someone you only have to go to the courthouse, pay some filing fees and send your unsuspecting victim a summons in the mail? (I'm sure that I've simplified the process a bit, but surely not by much.) You need no justifiable reason to file, just some cash to feed the county. (So, if you've got someone you want to play a nasty prank on and want them to go and pay some defense attorney a fatty retainer for a case that you never intend on showing up for, here's a great opportunity.)

Let's just say you are that lucky guy who gets the certified letter in the mail telling you to cancel all of your appointments and to strap yourself in for a months worth of days of anxiety attacks that lead up to your big day in court. What's next? Where do you go, what do you do, who do you get advice from? Oh yes, that's the other nice thing about getting sued; there's no one who really knows what is going on. I've talked with judges, clerks, attorneys, sheriffs, plaintiffs, friends and strangers and no one seems to know how the process goes exactly. (This includes my attorney...who filed the wrong form on my behalf. Thanks!)

I have found, though, that the more questions you ask, the more frustrated people get. I had the privilege of witnessing a woman, who was at wits end trying to figure out where she was supposed to go inside the maze of the county courthouse, receive a chastising from a deputy of the law because she was 15 minutes early and at the wrong end of the hall. (I'm sure she performed like a champ at her hearing.) It seems the only people willing to answer your questions are your paid legal counsel. And they are happy to talk with you...all day long...while the say nothing about their hourly fee. (Did you know that you can be charged a flat fee based on an hour worth of work for a basic email asking a "yes/no" question? I do now.)

In the end, I sit playing out an episode of a Shark court case in my mind, arguing my innocence, wondering why I'm being accused of this ridiculous claim in the first place and thinking all the while I'll probably be found guilty because I didn't wear a tie and I forgot to address the Judge as "Your Honor".

My tip for the day: Don't get sued. It's really a bother.